'Connecting singles in the real world'
Hi, Jan here
If you're looking for advice, guidance, or inspiration, you're in the right place! Here, I share what worked for me and the things I found helpful when I was single, hoping to meet new people and, eventually, find the one - my happily ever after.
I spent three years single, with dates and disappointments scattered throughout. Luckily, I found Pete - on Tinder, of all places! So, I also understand how dating apps work, their pitfalls, and what to watch out for and how you can make them work for you.
The first and most important piece of advice I can offer is: don’t date until you’re ready. Fill your own life first, be awesome as a single person, and dating will become far less stressful or even fun!
On this page, you'll find advice I truly hope will be useful, links to other resources, a free downloadable App Dating Guide, and lots more.
If you live in the East, join our Singles Socials group and meet people in the real world! Nervous to come? Check out my article on this very topic below.
And don’t forget to visit my YouTube channel for insights on dating pitfalls and how to become a dating pro!
Warm, Regards Jan
Struggling with nerves before an event or first date?
I often have people say to me that they would really love to come to one of my events, but they’re too scared. They just can’t bring themselves to do it. I also have people book onto events and then, at the last minute, they’re not well – quite often, this is true. They are absolutely sick, sick with nerves – that feeling in the pit of your stomach where you just know you’re going to be sick. You just can’t do it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now you just can’t. Or can you?
Here’s some useful advice on walking into a room full of strangers with confidence or going on that first date.
You might have lost confidence over the years – it happens. We’re all born with loads of confidence, and gradually, life either builds us up or knocks us down. It can do both. Sometimes, after divorce or loss, we suddenly find we have no confidence.
We need to rebuild it, and I’ll be running a confidence-building course very soon, so keep your eye out for details.
But in the meantime, here’s some great advice on walking into that room with your head held high, a smiling face full of confidence, or going on that first date.
So, you’ve booked the event. It’s fine. It’s two weeks away. You can do this. It’s cool.
Oh no, it’s tomorrow. You’re starting to get nervous now. Palms are now sweating just at the thought of it. You’ve got that awful feeling in your stomach. You hope you’re not coming down with something. The day arrives, and you feel sick. You can’t do it, You can, You can’t, You can. You’re having this inner debate with yourself. You may even drive to the venue, sit in your car, and then go home.
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I know this because I did it. I walked into a room full of strangers – 200 of them, to be exact -at a black-tie ball the night before New Year’s Eve in 2022. I really wanted to get out, meet people, and not sit at home for the rest of my life on my own. Let me tell you, it gets easier.
Now, having run the business Singles Socials for the last two years, I speak to many, many single people. So, I speak from both personal experience and the shared experiences of others.
Here’s my advice:
Book that event, say yes to that date
Before you go, do your homework. Do a quick recce – do a dummy run if you need to. Find out where you’re going to park your car, how long it will take to walk from your car to the venue, which door you need to enter, and which room you need to go to once inside. Leave nothing to chance.
Check the car park machine. Is it an app? Is it cash? Make sure you’re fully prepared. Do your prep like a Boy Scout or a Girl Guide. Know exactly where you’re going, where you’re parking, how long it will take, and where the venue is. By doing this, you eliminate those little things that trigger anxiety and make you feel more nervous.
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So, the night comes. You feel sick. It’s time to put on your big boy pants or big girl pants and pull them right up.
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On the way there, I want you to repeat after me:
“I can do this.”
“I’ve got this.”
Keep telling yourself this because, trust me, you can.
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As soon as you pull up, get out of the car. Walk with purpose towards the venue, shoulders back, head held high and put a smile on your face. Trust me, when you smile, the world smiles with you. The first person you see will smile back and say hello. Trust me on this one.
If it’s one of my events, I’ll be there personally to greet you. I’m sure other event organizers also make sure new people feel welcome and at ease – we’ve got you.
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If the first thing that comes out of your mouth is “I’m so nervous” or “I’m so scared,” this is great! A little bit of vulnerability goes a long way in making friends. People will instantly connect with you because every single person in that room has been exactly where you are and knows how you feel. The barriers come down instantly, and the people in that room will warm to you.
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So, be human. Be a little bit vulnerable. Do the right thing, take charge today, and change your life.
I’m proud of you.
My Blog
Here you will find my 'dating after' blog, all things dating! I cover subjects like Ghosting, the diffrence between Dating Apps and Personal Matchmaking, as well as that age old question - Why do I always choose the the wrong guy! And if your looking for 50 great opening lines on a dating App, you will find them here too!
Contact
I'm always looking for new subjects to cover. Let me know what you would like help with. In the meantime please find, follow, like and connect with me on social media - thanks!
07510 803385